The Final Waltz

The neon lights flickered as the fog suddenly cleared. It was already late in the evening, and the dancing had been going on for quite some time now. Everyone(including the timid, anti-socialists) was enjoying themselves. The lively dance music stopped, and a slow tune suddenly played. It was time for the couples to enjoy, I thought. I was about to take my seat, but a friend of mine suddenly got my attention and pulled me to a halt.
"I don't slow dance." I said.
"Me neither!" he chuckled for a moment, "Would you care to try with me?"
"Uh, sure."

I felt out of place at that time. Dancing was a thing of the past for me, and I was used to just being a spectator during social gatherings like this. Fate must have other plans for me tonight. The boy I was dancing with seemed as if he was enjoying himself. I tried my best to keep up with his pace and commented on random things just for the sake of not being too boring. Out of curiosity, I started to scan the crowd. I saw the familiar faces of my classmates and friends. They seemed to be having a lot of fun. "Wait, isn't that..?" I couldn't believe what my eyes were seeing. It was him.

"Look, it's (girl's name) and ( his name)!" I exclaimed. "I've noticed." my friend muttered. It seemed as if he wasn't interested in what I was saying. The thought of being rude crossed my mind, but I shoved it away. I was jealous. Jealousy is my greatest enemy, and I can never ignore it. Apparently, he asked her to dance and they were loving each other's company. I contemplated on how they were having a good time while I continued to cater to the questions of the friend I was dancing with.

As the song neared its end, I noticed that he wasn't dancing anymore. He disappeared! I felt disappointed as I turned around to face my friend, who still seemed strangely happy. "Let's exchange partners." I heard someone say. Weirdly enough, that someone had a voice similar to..
"Sure, (name)." my friend nodded to the man behind him. He silently mouthed a 'thank you' as we let go of each other. I stiffened as I felt the weight of his gaze on me. He gingerly took my hand and gave me his usual smirk. In order to conceal my anxiety, I desperately talked about what song might be playing next. To my surprise, it was a song from Lifehouse. It has been one of my favorite love songs, and I couldn't believe that I was actually dancing to it with someone who was actually special(due to the lack of any other appropriate adjective) to me.

As I mentioned earlier, I was tense. I may not be a great singer, but I can(if not try) to carry a tune. Hence, I started to sing along without any shame. Surprisingly, he started to sing with me as well. It was obvious that he wasn't quite familiar with the song, but still he tried to make out the lyrics. I found it sweet. I was already enjoying the dance, but then he suddenly placed my hands on his shoulders. The tension, along with the guilty pleasure of giddiness, came racing through my body again. My heart was thumping so hard, and I felt my cheeks turn warm. Thank God for the dim room! He looked me in the eyes for a moment, then moved his face closer to mine. I held my breath. "What was that?" he asked. He seemed interested in knowing the lyrics of the song. I motioned my mouth towards his ear and sang (against my will):

"--'Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people.."

As I was about to finish a line, he straightened up and finished it himself. "And I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you." He smiled in delight at his success. I thought it was cute. A grown-man, who was often times strict and upright, can always be breathtakingly adorable when he smiles like an innocent child. Just being with him at that moment made me feel very happy. It was the dance that I always dreamed about. That night was a dream come true.

02/16/2008 - It was the best night of my life. :)

Somebody Else's Hero

Have you ever wished that superheroes existed? It’s a typical question straight from your five-year old mind, probably something you’ve long forgotten, but then again, I’m pretty sure you hoped at one time in your life that they did exist. Actually, I’m not limiting the thought of ‘saving’ to damsels in distress and valiant men wearing shiny armor on dashing white horses. I’m talking about the ordinary people around us, everyone from the geek next door to your own bestfriend.

Everybody in this world has the capability to be hero for someone else without even noticing it. But when it comes to the complicated feelings brought about by the heart, we tend to be quite choosy of the ‘hero’ who might be able to save us. By personal experience, I learned that when sadness comes along and when everybody tries their best to make you smile, you usually do not comply with them simply because the words of comfort didn’t come from the person you wanted to hear it from. It’s an unpleasant attitude yet don’t you think that it’s half true if not reality?
“Trust me. I’m telling the truth.” he breathed into my ear as I looked away. It was too much to handle, I felt too vulnerable and I loathed that weakness so much. “I don’t want to hear it.” I muttered as I turned to him, the sad look in his eyes made my heart crumble. I knew this moment would come sooner or later yet I haven’t anticipated it in a time of grief. Anxiety started to disrupt my normal breathing as I fought back my heart’s pleas of giving in to every single word that he said earlier.

Yet, my thoughts continued to linger aimlessly as my world drifted into solidarity. Yes, a big part of me did want to believe him. Then, why am I resisting? Was I doing this for the sake of contradiction? No, it was because for some out-of-this-world reason, I felt as if I was being deceived right from the very start. The pieces of the puzzle of this dilemma I was facing held no unique meaning. Every detail always led me to the same crossroad that pointed to two different words: right and wrong. Somehow, I couldn’t weigh the justifications for both sides so I was always forced to be thrown back to square one.

As I contemplated in silence, I failed to notice that he already took my hand in his and gave it a light squeeze. “I’ve done everything I could just so that you would believe me, but up until now, you still hold on to the belief that I’m simply toying with your feelings.” He shook his head in disappointment and let the unsettling air of silence take grasp of the moment. I failed to reply. Almost unconsciously, I felt my hand slip away from his hold and a yearning of escaping from reality aroused upon me.

I recounted the many battles we have lost and won together. Truly, he had saved me from many dangers and was always ready to stand by me even without me requesting for such assistance. Though numerous instances have almost broken our bond, I was always shocked to see that by the end of the day, I couldn’t separate myself from him. He was someone that I needed yet denied so many times.

Attachment. Severe Attachment; that was my problem. I wanted to be with him more than he knew, and the failure of him to comply with me led me to the option of just going through a life without his warmth. I wanted him to save me. I needed that more than anything. But of course, he too has limits and I simply cannot ask him of that just for my sake alone. Sure, I could choose selfishness, but I wanted to be fair. I struggled for a while as I tried to look him straight in the eye. I saw the fear that I was avoiding, it was reflected in those eyes of his, it was trying to tell me something. The truth.

He sighed loudly. “I have to go.” I didn’t have to hear anything else anymore. I silently wrapped my arms around him and held him in an embrace that I’ve been longing for far too long. I began to wish that I could tell him everything without doubt. I really wanted to tell him all of the words that were left unsaid if only I knew exactly what they were.

“You know, I can be your hero, but not all of the time.” I was stunned by his sudden conclusion. Maybe he knew it all long. He probably understood about what I wanted right from the beginning. But, we both knew what was coming as well. A stray tear trickled down my cheek as I finally let go of him. He gave me a faint smile before I walked away without looking back.

I wanted him to be my hero, but he and I knew that he was already Somebody Else’s Hero.