He once asked me to hold his hand

Without thinking, I declined. Even if it was a harmless gesture, I was committed to someone else. I was just being guarded, as usual. He asked me a second time on the same night, but again, I refused.

I never thought that I’d regret that decision.

If the circumstances were different, I would’ve entwined our fingers together. I always wondered how those hands felt like. I had this notion that they would be slender and soft since he was a pampered guy. I would jokingly ask him: “Why do you flirt so much with girls?” That was the reason why I chose not to hold his hand. I knew he would probably ask other girls that too. And he did.

I just found it odd that after he was able to hold everyone else’s hand, he came back to me. He still wanted to hold my hand. I shook my head. After all, I didn’t want my feelings for him to resurface again. You see, I’ve liked him ever since the day we first met.

He amazed me since Day One, since he went out of his way to introduce himself to me and make me feel welcomed. I was equally surprised and touched. Guys don’t usually do that for me. I started crushing on him even though I was in a relationship. I felt guilty, but I couldn’t fight those pesky feelings. My face would instantly light up whenever he’d say “Hi” to me. I loved his smile. I loved the way he’d say my name whenever he greeted me.

I began hating him when I realized he was naturally nice to everyone. I grew jealous whenever he charmed the other girls in and outside of the classroom. I started to notice his flaws, but somehow, it just wasn’t enough to make me like him less.

On my 18th birthday, I had my debut. I was expecting my boyfriend to come home to attend it since he was my 18th rose and I wouldn’t want it any other way. He didn’t. I felt like a princess that night, but the sadness that filled me whenever I looked at the ballroom’s entrance didn’t subside. What surprised me that night is his presence. He lived far away, so I was shocked when I saw him there. We weren’t close, so I wasn’t expecting him to attend. He did, though. A guy who I barely knew attended my debut, but my boyfriend did not.

To some, it might not be a big deal. My feelings for him grew, and so did my confusion. Was I only interested in him because I felt neglected by my boyfriend? Did I genuinely like him? Until now, I’m not so sure. I try so hard to hate him. We don’t talk as much as before, but there are times when he surprises me.

One night, I had to have myself fixed for an event. I was ignoring him the whole time because he annoyed me. I hated the way he acted like a goody-two-shoes. I hated the way he suck up to teachers. I hated everything about him. I’m sure he felt that. Even so, when our paths crossed, he surprised me by looking into my eyes and telling me: “You look stunning.” My jaw would’ve dropped if I wasn’t so composed that night. I laughed it off, like I usually do when I receive compliments. I immediately walked away, but that doesn’t mean I stopped thinking about those three words.

No one has ever called me that. I occasionally get pretty, beautiful, gorgeous, hot and etc., but never stunning.
What also amazes me is his openness with me. We don’t talk a lot, but when we do, he tells me everything. Oddly, I was the first among our classmates to know that he had broken up with his girlfriend. I thought he had announced it to everyone else, but to my surprise, I was the only one he shared that piece of information with. Earlier, when things were still rocky between him and his girlfriend, he’d share his thoughts about her to me. He’d ask for advice, too. It was weird because he’d do this out of nowhere. Sometimes, it was a random text, a chat message or a face-to-face conversation. His trust in me was flattering yet confusing at the same time. Why me, of all people?

I just wanted to write this down to let me go of these emotions for him. I don’t want to get stuck into another sticky situation with a boy. I’m coping with my doomed relationship with my current boyfriend, so I’m not emotionally stable. The last thing I want to do is resort to cheating or using someone.

I haven’t thought about this guy over the summer, so I thought my odd feelings for him were finally dead. The confusion just came rushing back when he was asked by one of my “friends” if he would ever fall in love with me. It was a weird question and I don’t know what triggered that person to ask him that. His elusive answer was a “Maybe…”
What he meant by that? I have no idea. I asked a few people’s opinions about it and they said it was another way of saying “Yes.”

I hope they’re wrong. After all, how could he ever fall for me? Or at least like me? We rarely talk. We don’t hang out so much. A guy can’t possibly like you by keeping his distance, right? Right?

Enchanted to Meet You

Don't let the fairy tale-ish title fool you. Really. Here's something I thought of when I read a post about a guy who said that it was awkward to play basketball with a girl. Why did he say that? I'll leave that to your imagination. Since this is only half of chapter one, there's no trace of basketballyet.

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Isn’t it ironic to feel lonely within a crowd? There are dozens of people around you, but instead of getting rid of your loneliness, they overwhelm you. That’s exactly how I felt as I sat in the middle of a busy sports bar with my best friend, Vi. Her eyes were glued to the television screen. She only looked away to order another drink or to tell me how “hot” her favorite player was. I couldn’t bring myself to remember the guy’s name. That’s why I found it amazingly ridiculous that Vi knew every player’s name—jersey number included.

I tried watching the game for a while, but football just couldn’t pique my interest. Instead, I aimlessly scanned the room. I tried to convince myself that accompanying my best friend to this place jam-packed with boys was noble of me. Vi attracts too much male attention and judging from the number of empty shot glasses in front of her, that wasn’t a good thing. The boys were chattering noisily and chugging down bottles of beer from time to time. It wasn’t the prettiest sight in the world. I was about to let out an exasperated sigh when I noticed that a guy was talking to Vi.

“A girl who’s genuinely interested in football—that’s pretty rare.” he said.

“You think so?” Vi replied. She was more interested in the game than this boy’s face.

Apparently, he noticed. He tried to obscure Vi’s view of the television by bringing his face closer to hers. “I’m Chris, by the way, and you are?”

Vi tried her best to get a better view of the game, but to no avail. “Vitoria.” she said, “Vi for short.” She gave him a small smile.

“Will you mind if we join you?”

“Not at all.”

“Great.” Chris grinned. “Hey Nate, why don’t you sit with Vi’s friend over there.”

Vitoria elbowed me playfully while I was horrified. I did not accompany Vi here to pick up boys. Besides, I wasn’t even good at conversations. I looked at the guy named Nate and I was immediately startled—he was already looking at me! His expression was serious, but there was a hint of gentleness in his blue eyes. He gave me a nod before he sat next to me. I was expecting him to talk just like Chris, but he stayed quiet the whole time. Instead, he seemed more interested in watching the game.

I felt both relieved and bothered by his behavior. I was glad that I didn’t have to make a fool out of myself by trying to keep up with a conversation with a guy, but I was also wondering why he didn’t even bother to ask for my name. My insecurity started gnawing on me at this point. My best friend was effortlessly wrapping her finger around a boy she just met while I was stuck with a guy who didn’t want to talk to me.

“Better pay up, Nate. My team’s clearly winning.” Chris said.

“The game’s far from over. Keep watching.” Nate replied. His voice was deep and he spoke so softly, so I doubt Chris was able to hear him.

After a while, the people in the bar started cheering loudly amidst the sound of clinking beer bottles. Apparently, the game was finally over. Thank God. Judging from Vi’s reaction, she was mortified—her team had probably lost. Chris’ mouth hung open, so I figured they were rooting for the same team. I heard chuckling beside me and I was sure it was Nate. He stood up triumphantly. I was shocked for a moment because I noticed Nate’s towering height. I felt like a midget beside him. I doubt standing up would make a significant difference. He made his way to Nate. The latter shoved a handful of cash to his friend. “This is unfair, Nate. Why do you have to always win in bets?” Nate answered with a chuckle.

Nate ordered drinks for all of us. Vi and Chris finished theirs in one swig. They didn’t seem to be in the mood for talking. Nate came back to hand me a drink, but I declined. “Thanks, but I don’t drink.” I said. He seemed a little shocked. I must’ve said it a little too bluntly. When I was about to apologize, Vi took the glass from Nate’s hand and drank it up.

“Vi, you’re drunk, aren’t you?” I asked.

She nodded groggily. Her cheeks were flushed.

“It’s time to go home, then.” I took her arm and dragged her out of her seat. She struggled a lot. “You’re no fun! Let go!” I sighed.

“Right. Why don’t you stay a while? Nate and I can take you girls home.” Chris said.

Vi smiled approvingly at Chris.

“No way. We barely even know you.” I said. This stunned Chris.

“Alright already. Sheesh.” Chris shrugged. He took Vi’s hand. “At least let me get your number.”

I shook my head. “I’ll meet you at the door.” While I went to retrieve my purse from my seat, I felt Nate’s eyes on me. It was unnerving. I dared to lock my gaze with his. “Oh, and in case you forgot to ask, my name’s Lyla.”

I looked away defiantly and stormed out of the bar.

The next day, I was greeted by Vi’s grumbling. She clearly wasn’t going to get up any time soon. I searched my medicine cabinet for some aspirin, but I ran out. Great, now I have to go to the other side of town to buy some. Vi wouldn’t stop her grumbling if I didn’t go soon, so I had to. Vi’s hangover wasn’t my only problem. Another thing that bothered me when I opened my eyes this morning was Nate’s face. I realized how stupid I was for telling him my name. I bet he was thinking, “Why should I care?” I felt ashamed of myself, but I shrugged it off as I took a shower.

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There's more, but I'm too secretive to post the rest. I might change the title, but I'm still thinking about that. It's actually a reference to my current favorite song. Anyway, I'm blabbering. If you read this,THANK YOU! You can now move on with your life.

Note: I'm trying to make this as short as possible. I don't think this is novel material.